BBC's "This is Your Life" Honours Charles

Wednesday, 21 February 2001

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I cannot tell a lie -- since Monday, 19 February, Pez and I have been keeping a HUGE secret, and it's been killing us! But now the secret's out and we have permission to share it with all of you, so allow me to regale you with the entire story.

Early Monday afternoon, I received a very mysterious phone call. The caller identified herself as a researcher from Pearson Television and said she had something confidential to discuss with me. Now, I have to admit I didn't recognize the firm. She was also calling on our business number, which immediately put me on guard. Then she said two things that clicked: 'This is Your Life' and 'Charles Dance'.

Angels, if the ground had opened up and swallowed the entire neighbourhood I couldn't have been more shocked!!

'This is Your Life' is, of course, that long-running show that celebrates noteworthy names with an encapsulation of their life story and achievements. The whole thing is veiled in secrecy so the intended prey remains completely unsuspecting -- until they're caught off guard by the host (Michael Aspell), handed a big red book, and whisked off to the studio, where friends, family, colleagues, and significant others are waiting to help toast them. Charles was next on the 'Your Life' list, and much to our delight, his wife Jo had invited Pez and me to attend!

Are you still breathing?? I wasn't! And when I got off the phone and filled Pez in on the conversation, all we could do for some time was stare at each other with stupid smiles and say, "No way!!"

Due to Charles's theatre schedule the show would be recorded late Wednesday night, 21 February. The letter we received the next day said we should arrive at the BBC Television Centre in London at 11 p.m. and go directly to reception. We were Red Star guests, meaning we would have reserved seats in the audience and be included in all hospitality.

Meanwhile, we're wondering who the heck else is going to be there. I mean, we could name names off the tops of our heads of potential guests, but of course we were soon to find out exactly who, so we tried not to intimidate ourselves too much beforehand! Anyway, after much hooing and hahing about what we were going to wear (more on Pez's side than mine, believe it or not), a last minute booking of a hairdresser for Wednesday evening, and a final panic searching for a curling iron when my ringlets started to droop, we still managed to arrive at the BBC twenty minutes early!

We were met at reception and escorted up to the 'Green Room' -- we were the second lot to arrive -- to be confronted by all sorts of goodies and niblets to keep us safonsified until the rest of the guests arrived. In dribs and drabs over the next hour and a half, such luminaries as Emilia Fox, Tim Piggott-Smith, Geraldine James, Celia Imrie, and many friends and family arrived. Paul Rudd, Paul Nicholls and Olivia Colman from LDJiN were there too; I overheard Paul Rudd explaining that they hadn't wanted to tip Charles off after the performance, which was why they were all dressed 'down'!

But the high spot of this part of the proceedings was the arrival of a magician friend of Charles's, Fay Presto. Fay enthralled anyone who cared to watch (and who didn't?) with some magic tricks involving cards, ropes, money, bottles and string, which we all saw at close quarters and were absolutely astounded by. The best bit for me was when Fay had me select a card from a pack and sign it while a young lad picked a thumbtack from a box. We then gave these items to Fay, with the culmination being when she suddenly turned and threw the pack of cards at the far wall -- and as the rest of the cards scattered across the floor, there, stuck to the wall with the thumbtack, was my card, signature side up and rightside up to boot!! We were gobsmacked. Fay kept us superbly entertained with her truly outrageous sense of humor and startling tricks until about 12.20 a.m., when a group of us was ushered to our reserved seating in the front row of the audience, while others were taken on stage for THE MAIN EVENT.

I had never seen the inside of a TV studio before, so the whole process was completely new to me. The studio itself, as you can probably imagine, was about the size of a theatre, with scores of lights hung from the high ceiling. We couldn't see much of the set because of a haphazardly hung red curtain. What we could see were four television cameras positioned facing the stage, manned by cameramen wearing headphones, and feet on the set! Aside from us and the other Red Star guests, there was a good-sized audience of people sitting behind us who had gotten tickets to see the recording but had no idea who the Guest was. A comedian warmed us up for about half an hour, and in no time at all the signature tune began to play as the curtains rose to reveal a number of the people we had been in the Green Room with and others. We then saw a film-clip of how, earlier in the evening, when Charles was expecting to meet other LDJiN cast members for a nice quiet drink at the exclusive Groucho Club, he was approached as he arrived by Michael Aspell, clutching his big red book and saying those immortal words: "Charles Dance, this is your life." I do believe Charles's response was, "Christ Almighty!" followed closely by, "Are you a member?"

The scene then shifted as Charles was ushered into the studio to thunderous applause. First to follow was Jo and their children, Oliver and Rebecca. They all embraced and sat down. It was at this point that Pez and I realized Oliver and Rebecca had been in the Green Room with us! Until you see them as a family there is no dead giveaway that these are Charles's two children, apart from their height (Oliver is actually taller than Charles). They both got a good mix of their parents' best features. Anyway, we don't want to spoil the surprise for you when you see it, but suffice to say that for the next hour Charles was surprised with guests ranging from his brother Michael, who lives in France, to the final guest, Seporah Ungalaq, who starred with him in Kabloonak as Nyla and was very sweet! We saw clips from various performances and were treated to stories from his fellow actors, actresses, and friends. There were many comical moments as well as a few serious ones.

The show took over an hour to record, following which we were all ushered to 'Hospitality'. The spread was unbelievable -- food and drinks aplenty. All the guests gathered, the banter was merry, and before we knew it Charles and his family joined the room, and rightly so were the center of attention! While the already edited tape of the show played on the TVs in the suite, Charles made the rounds, and Pez and I spent a few minutes in his company. He had been genuinely surprised by the evening, and the first thing he wanted to know was how long I had known about it!

By now it was 2.45 a.m. and although the party was in full swing, we had an hour's drive, so we made our goodbyes. But of course we couldn't leave without introducing ourselves to Jo. Angels, let me tell you, Jo is positively delightful, a very beautiful lady who has a knack for making you feel comfortable right away! She seemed so pleased to meet us and introduced us to those who came up to speak to her while we were there. I didn't know how to say half of what I wanted to (even when I'm not wearing my anorak I am -- Mez is a nerd at social events!), but before we left I did get to thank her and let her know how much we truly respect her. Pez and I arrived home at around 4.00 in the morning, absolutely shattered, but still hovering around 65,000 feet!

The BBC have kindly said they'll inform all the guests when the show will be aired here in the UK. I'll make sure I put a note up so that as many VCRs as possible can be switched on!!